So, if you say something like the above and your partner gets hostile, then beware. A big motivation for learning about persuasion and influence is to defend yourself from the insincere manipulation of others.I hope you find this series helpful in that regard.Second, it is hard to determine the difference between a "well intentioned promise" that falls through and a manipulation that your partner never intended to honor.However, there are some strategies to sort out the difference: 1) Get Yours First - If the promise of an exchange really is sincere, then it doesn't matter who gets theirs first.Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor While I believe most men and women have good dating intentions, a few individuals are indeed manipulative users.They sour the experience of others and can ruin dating for everyone.
2) Define Consequences - There are some promise situations where you can't get what you're promised first (e.g. In these instances though, you can set consequences.Therefore, when a promise is requested, ask for what you are being "promised" upfront.If your partner's intentions are good, then he/she will be fine with giving you your part of the exchange initially.How do we know when asking for something in return is appropriate? Your ex was playing a number of manipulative dating games. For now, here are a few points: 1) If your partner cares about you, then he/she will be grateful for what you do and want to do nice things for you in return. Essentially, you shouldn't have to "twist their arm" to help you back.After all, aren't we supposed to do things for our partners out of love rather than wanting something back? Your partner should be eager to return the favor and balance the relationship. 2) You should never be made to feel guilty about what you want or need. Sure, nobody can get "everything" they want, but it is always okay to ask.However, if he/she starts getting upset or defensive, then your partner has intentions to manipulate. 3) Appeal to Self-Image - When others don't care about you, they still care about themselves.