While it’s difficult to assign arbitrary dates for when it’s okay for a divorced man to begin dating, those who haven’t been divorced at least six months are often still dealing with divorce fallout (e.g.grief, angry exes, hurting children, financial problems).They’d been together for 10 years, married for two. James and I have our ups and our downs in what could be called “still the honeymoon phase.” And many of them, frankly, have to do with how he used to be married to someone else. There’s some immediate satisfaction of knowing, of course. I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s a real lose/lose. The recently divorced man is, with little exception, the recently traumatized man.They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.
It doesn’t matter if his comments are critical, complimentary, or just factual. A man who talks about his ex may only be grieving his marriage, but it’s also possible he’s grieving the ex herself (which means there’s no room for YOU).
When dating a divorced man, especially if the divorce is recent, it’s important to be cautious.
If he shows any of the above red flags, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, it means he’s probably not ready for a relationship at that time.
Safety advice Dating is fun but to ensure you do it in the safest way possible we have put together some golden rules to help you get the most out of your online dating journey.
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